According to Dr. Harry Fisch, author of The New Naked,an astonishing 45 percent of men climax in two minutes or less when they’re having sex. Women, on the other hand, need more than 15 minutes of sexual stimulation to achieve orgasm. Combine those two facts and you’re looking at a seriously inconvenient truth—and a lot of people who are wondering how to last longer in bed.Luckily, there are a number of things you can do to prolong sex. And so in order to help you be the best partner possible, we’ve rounded up the best tips for how to last longer in bed.
Ever heard of “edging?” It means building up to what’s called “ejaculatory inevitability”—the orgasmic point of (almost) no return—then standing down for a minute or so before restarting the action. You probably already know what the point of no return feels like—and the key here is to know what the moment just before that feels like. When you feel that feeling while having sex, do something that doesn’t involve your penis, such as orally or stimulating your partner—provided that’s not a trigger for you.
Eventually, build up to at least 20 minutes of stop-start action to give your partner a chance of having an orgasm before or at the same time as you do. When you get comfortable with knowing where your tipping point is, you can cruise along in that zone without the time-outs. Plus, delaying your climax will make your orgasm all that more powerful.
2. Change things up during sex.
Relationship expert and family therapist Dr. Jane Greer says that experimenting with new positions and sensations can often help men last longer in bed. Her reasoning is positively Pavlovian: Routine sex positions and foreplay can make your body anticipate climax and bring on the finale—even if it’s earlier than you had in mind. Doing things in a different order may help delay it. “The more awkward and unfamiliar, the better,” she says.
3. Improve your cardio routine.
Improving your overall health can have a huge effect on your sex life. Cardio exercise such as aerobics, swimming, running, or jogging can strengthen your lungs and increase their capacity—and that’s exactly what you’ll need if you’re wondering how to last longer in bed.
Cardio will also help boost your metabolism, improving circulation to your heart, lungs, and penis. Working out has even been shown to stimulate the release of endorphins, which can help you release tension, stay calm, and enjoy sexual contact, lowering the chances of shooting your bolt in a hurry.
4. Do kegel exercises.
The best way to strengthen the pubococcygeus muscle (PC muscle), which helps control ejaculation, is to perform kegel exercises. The easiest way for you to find the PC muscle is to stop the flow of pee when you use the bathroom. You’re using the PC muscle to do that!
To do kegels, quickly clench and release the PC muscle repeatedly for 10 seconds. Do three sets, with a 10-second break between sets. Once you’re into a good routine, you can start busting out your new skill while having sex. Contract your PC muscle when you’re close to orgasm, and you ought to be able to put a lid on things until everyone is ready.
5. Engage in lots of foreplay.
Foreplay. The name we give to every other time of sexual play besides intercourse is frankly a misnomer. Kissing, massage, frottage, manual, and oral stimulation doesn’t have to go before anything. Returning to outercourse—a less misleading name for non-penetrative sex play—is both a good way to make sex less scripted and slow the action down.
But that’s not all. About 75 percent of all women never reach orgasm from intercourse alone, so chunking up your sessions with activities that are more likely to drive her wild is a proven way to increase her chances of finishing with a smile on her face.
6. Take advantage of the refractory period.
A man’s refractory period is the length of time between when he ejaculates and when he can achieve and maintain another erection. Studies have shown that 18-year-old males have a refractory period of about 15 minutes, while those in their 70s take about 20 hours. (The average for all men in general about half an hour.)
However, this intermission is a great opportunity for a man with a snoozing cuke to turn his attention to pleasing his partner. Your returning erection doesn’t just mean the possibility of a second round but, because many men experience less sensitivity during an encore performance, the intercourse is likely to last longer.
7. Use condoms.
When used correctly, condoms are an effective way of reducing your chances of conceiving a child and contracting a number of sexually transmitted infections. They’re also pretty good at reducing sensation, which means that slipping one on could help you in your quest for how to last longer in bed. If you’re in the market for a thicker condom to decrease sensation,
8. Masturbate before sex.
For some men, masturbating to completion an hour or two before sex can make the main event last longer. Indeed, this sex-lengthening technique was explored in the movie Something About Mary—though in that depiction, Ben Stiller’s character’s pre-gaming had only comical results.
9. Take breaks during sex.
Provided you don’t have any pressing appointments, taking breaks during your session is a simple and effective way to slow down sex, savor the moment, and increase your mutual satisfaction. When things feel as though they are reaching a conclusion prematurely, stop and do something that buys time. Return to kissing, cuddling, massage, sensation play—or, better yet, transmute the fire in your loins into doing something that your partner goes wild for.
10. Try Viagra for premature ejaculation.
Sildenafil (known by most by the brand name, Viagra) is intended to help men with erectile dysfunction achieve and maintain erections—and, for a lot of ED sufferers, that’s precisely what it does. But studies have shown that sildenafil does more than put lead in one’s pencil.
A 2007 study published in the International Journal of Urologyshowed that sildenafil is very effective in treating premature ejaculation; while research published in early 2000 in the journal Human Reproductionfound that sildenafil shortened the refractory period by an average of 11 minutes men who are around 32 years old.
11. Incorporate more eye contact.
Making eye contact with your partner is a way of getting real-time sexual feedback and can be employed as a synchronizing signal. It’s also a gesture of respect, understanding, and interest, so more of it is highly likely to make sex not just longer but better for you and your partner.
Instead of worrying about how to last longer in bed, take a few moments to intentionally lock eyes and hold that mutual gaze for sexier engagement. At the very least, this eye contact will add some time to your routine. But you may also find that it helps you to connect with your partner in a more meaningful way.
12. Talk to your partner.
If sex seems to be shorter than you and your partner like, talk about it. You could start off by voicing your intention. Something like: “I love the sex we have so much and I want it to last longer.” You could also present the situation as a compliment: “I get so turned on when we’re in bed together that it’s difficult not to lose control.”
You may find that voicing the issue—rather than avoiding or ignoring it—may have an immediate effect the next time you have at it. From there, you can enlist your partner’s help in helping sex last longer by talking about incorporating the items listed above. “Tonight, I’d really like to make more eye contact/take breaks/try the squeeze method/emphasize outercourse, et cetera.”
13. Talk to a professional about how to last longer in bed.
If you try all of the items above and sex still doesn’t last as long as you and your partner would like, it might be time to consult a therapist as an individual or as a couple. Many sexual dysfunctions are rooted in psychology rather than physiology, and this is particularly true of premature ejaculation. A 2013 study published in Japanese Psychological Research looked at 15 PE sufferers who underwent eight to twelve sessions of therapy and found that the changes that took place were “statistically significant with a tendency towards improvement.”
14. Employ the squeeze method.
Perhaps you’ve stumbled upon a Showtime drama called Masters of Sex. It depicts the lives and work of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, two-person research team who explored the nature of the human sexual response and the diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunctions and disorders from 1957 until the 1990s. Part of their legacy was their prescribing of the squeeze technique to delay ejaculation and prolong the length of sexual intercourse.
They told women to place the thumb, index, and middle fingers around the tip of his penis, and squeeze immediately before a man was reaching ejaculatory inevitability and keep squeezing until that feeling had subsided and his body relaxed before slowly release the pressure. Give it a try. While a man will lose some or most of his erection, he should be able to recover it quickly and start again.
15. Try a numbing condom.
The methods above should markedly improve your sexual stamina and hopefully, provide an answer to how to last longer in bed. But the nuclear option is to use a product designed to temporarily desensitize your penis. Durex, Trojan, and Lifestyles all offer condoms that contain between 4 and 5 percent benzocaine, a numbing agent that will reduce your johnson’s sensitivity and, ideally, enable you to slow down the clock during your next session.
If condoms aren’t part of your routine, you can desensitize your penis by using a numbing spray. Dr. Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, also recommends Promescent. “You spray it once or twice on the head of the penis, and it absorbs really well, so a woman isn’t going to experience residual numbing,” he says.